harps//strings

I wonder if, in all our coping and moving, we were meant to find the truth of it all. A game of hide and seek when we’re finally ‘it’. Found after hiding for so long and it was all meant to show us we have always been seen. The searching and the hiding of two children. Remember when we played these games while breathing in the sunrise? When it was safe and warm? Even in the most bitter of winters, the cold never touched us. Even those seasons were magical. We were still allowed to bask in the rush of the hiding and the excitement in the searching. When things still danced and sang. When the leaves echoed our wonder and each moment was holy. When our imagination was still safe.
When did it change? Maybe the stakes were never that high. Or maybe, they actually were. The cost is the absolute trust in being found. It was our guarantee we would be when we were children. An unspoken promise. A rule that abandonment was never an option. But one of us grew up and we were afraid of what that trust would bring. It shook us as we realized how vulnerable we were. That you could have left the mess we saw. And in our fear, we were the ones who abandoned you. In our fear, we hid from ourselves.

But you never stopped looking. In your wonder, you kept looking for us because it was always you and I wasn’t it? You always gave me your all and never stopped believing I would come back to you and our little kingdom. Maybe it never stopped for you because you always knew it was always a high-stakes game. The only way for any of us to win is to trust that we would look for each other, chase each other, and find each other. That even now, I’m hiding. Or maybe you were naive in the way only a child can be. Reckless in his trust for people, believing the world will always be the best it can be. Reckless in thinking that I never left because you couldn’t comprehend I ever would. To you, it was always you and I. To you, I was just hiding and needed to be found.

I do miss it. When we lay in the grass, we shut our eyes because the sky shone so brightly. We both felt its warmth and we didn’t need the interruption of words. We just needed each other and our married imagination, creating worlds that were full of dreams that always came true and love that was always present. Where even the rocks sang and the seas danced to the tune of our music. Where the impossible was just a step away and everything glimmered with the expectancy of something new, of majesty manifested.

It feels so distant at times. Time has always somehow pulled back the curtain of life while also covering it, only showing us the danger of the wilderness and hiding the adventure of heaven. And surely, my heart longs for adventure.

So, I want to be seen and found again.

I want to chase you again and be ‘it’ because I miss it. In my adulthood and jaded eyes for life, I want it all back. The joy I had when I was with you, the happiness my heart exuded when we were together, and the magic that didn’t just live in my memories. The rush I feel when I finish counting to ten and the settled rest when I find you. Find me in my hiding place. Find me so we can be together again in the mystery of creation. Find me so we can create again. Stories of promises kept and covenants held. Where mountains move and waters are stirred. Where healing is found in the places we need it to be. Where the world finds itself in the cradle of grace and freedom.

Find me because I want to feel safe again. Show me where you were when I look back. Tell me the past felt you near. Tell me the present sees you even closer. Retrieve my heart so I can hear the voice of promise again. The voice to tell me I’m it. And that it will always be You and I.

“You’re the voice of the mystery, I’m listening
You’re the face of forgiveness, I’m taken in
You’re the eyes of commitment, I’m giving in
You’re the joy that I’m living in”